Friday, September 12, 2008

No Joke

I came up with a joke I thought would be perfect for Jay Leno. I went on line to find how to submit it. After a couple of frustrating hours I finally disovered that they don't accept unsolicited jokes. So I sent it to Bill Crider's blog. Now I wish I'd saved it for this site. But on the off chance someone reads this blog and doesn't read Bill's (which you should: billcrider.blogspot.com), here it is:

Hurricane Ike battered the Caribbean so hard they renamed it Hurricane Ike Turner.

Badda-bing, badda-boom!

Which reminds me, I was in the dentist's office a few days ago and picked up a Readers Digest to peruse the jokes. Every one I saw was old enough to have moss. People are being paid $100 a pop to recycle bad gags that were wobbly when Grit was the only source of entertainment in the Corn Belt. Assuming these jokes are actually being submitted by the public and not tossed in by the staff and credited to some made up name.

Monday, September 08, 2008

Head 'em up, move 'em out

Saw the following kids' show credit while channel surfing: Assistant Puppet Wrangler.

Friday, September 05, 2008

Up and Almost Running

Yesterday I assembled the treadmill, helped by my younger daughter. First we had to empty out half the garage, which gave us a chance to dispose of some accumulated junk, and then I had to put the accursed contraption together, again with Kristine's help. Mostly it went well, but one step had me mumbling curses under my breath for about 20 minutes. After it was all together I plugged it in and let Kristine take the maiden voyage. By gum, it worked. Then I moved all the junk back into the garage (except for a space-hogging utility trailer). By then my back was sore and I was tired so I took an Aleve and settled in to watch TV. Soon I'll go out and take a 30-minute walk. Yep, Real Soon Now.

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

A Conundrum

I like El Toro and eat there at least once a week. But one menu anomaly has been bothering me since I noticed it a couple of weeks ago.

To wit: If you get Dinner #1 (two enchiladas, beans, rice, cole slaw), you pay $9.95. If you get the # 2 dinner (two tacos and the same side dishes as #1), you pay the same price, $9.95. But if you get a #4 dinner (one enchilada, one taco, and the sames sides), you pay $10.25. That's 30 cents more even though the enchiladas and tacos are cheaper if bought in pairs. It makes no sense, and has stopped me from having that #4 dinner. I asked the waitress about the odd pricing and she said she didn't know, that the owner set the prices. So I said to send over the owner. She said he wasn't there. A likely story. And don't suggest I order one #1 and one #2 and swap one of the entrees. The people with whom I dine always order the same boring thing, and it's neither of those choices.

I bought a treadmill. Now all I need is a place to put it. Oh yes, and the will to use it. More to follow, maybe.

Monday, September 01, 2008

Bi-annual Semi-annual Posting

Going back into the mists of time we have:

February: My first novel was remaindered. Still not sure of sales, but I do know there are no royalties on the horizon. I bought 25 copies to sell.

May: I was one of six guests of Portland's Friends of Mystery for a panel on Debut Authors. I think I was the only one to have just one book. However, one panelist's most recent book was his first work of fiction. It was a very nice event from the brew pub dinner beforehand to the kind comments after. Sold a few books.

June: I was one of a dozen or so Northwest writers invited to Powell's Books in Beaverton, Oregon, for a meet and greet. Sold remaining copies of LOVE, DEATH AND THE TOYMAN to the store. Thanks, Powell's. And be sure to order one from them. They're signed.

July: Summer Tankon again at the cabin of Frank "Two Ponies" Denton. Enjoyed myself as always.

August: Tankoner Dale Goble came here for five days to replace the roof on our deck. Did a good job. Linda and Kristine were on a cruise at the time.
Learned that my second novel has been accepted for publication by Five Star, who published my first. Tentative title is THE TOYMAN RIDES AGAIN. In this one, Jack Lorentz joins a troop of 7th Cavalry re-enactors on a trip to the Little Big Horn. They are opposed by a group of Indian activists and events snowball until someone is killed.
Went to a chiropractor for an old back pain. He said a flat left foot was the cause and sent me to a dippy woman who is some kind of foot specialist. $200 later I left with new shoes and arch support inserts. So far they haven't cured me. Time will tell.

September: Is only one day old. I stayed home from work, of course, and stained some boards for the deck. We lost four to rot because the old roof leaked.

October: Hasn't arrived yet, but when it does I get to enjoy a colonoscopy. Using the latest scientific techniques, they're going to shrink Raquel Welch down to a quarter of an inch and send her in on a tether. That ought to tickle my fancy--or something close to it. Film at eleven.

The only theatrical movies I saw during this period were IRONMAN and BATMAN: THE DARK KNIGHT. I liked them both but the latter asked me to suspend my disbelief way beyond my capacity to do so. Way back before CGI I was a comic fan, collector, and fanzine editor/publisher (in conjunction with various friends). I wish they'd been able to produce movies like this at that time.