Wednesday, August 17, 2005

HELP ME. Help me. help meeee

Remember the ending of The Incredible Shrinking Man? I know just how the guy feels. A few days ago my kids measured my height and I'm a full inch shorter than I used to be. I've been afraid this has been happening for years. I used to buy pants with a 32" leg; now they're 30". Getting old sucks.

On the plus side, I weighed in at 190 yesterday morning. I'd like to hit 180 before B'con, but that's highly unlikely. When I was at my piggiest I was 223, so I feel pretty good about losing the extra grease. Another Atkins success story.

I took the girls to the movies on each of the past two weekends. First we saw The Bad News Bears, or what Kristine called the most unneccessary remake of the year. I agree. It had some funny moments, but most of it consisted of 12-year-old kids using bad language.
Last weekend Kristine and I saw Skeleton Key, with Kate "Spoiled Hollywood Brat" Hudson. Kate's cleavage co-starred. It was an attempt to be an atmospheric thriller, and it wasn't bad, and the ending was a change of pace, but there were times when, had it not been for the cleavage, my mind would have strayed.
Most amazingly, no one talked during the latter film. I could even hear the woman in the row behind us chewing her popcorn. Or maybe she had a bale of hay. They sound alike while being chewed.

Usually my job is boring routine, but two Mondays ago there was something interesting. There had been an air show/open house over the weekend and some of the planes RONed (remained overnight). So as I was driving around the flightline in the morning I saw 2 AWACS, a B-2, The Air Force Thunderbirds stunt team's jets, a Navy AE-6 Prowler (one of the loudest jets extant) and several fighters. The previous Friday, as I was leaving work, I watched a couple of biplanes with white smoke pouring out from under their wings practicing loops. They made a heart as I drove off.
Naturally, I didn't attend the show. Bad enough I have to go on base five days a week, I don't want to go on my day off, especially when I have to slog through miles of backed up traffic and a crowd of 150,000. (The recruiters also signed up 100 unsuspecting youths.)

I also took the girls school shopping last Sunday. Yikes! How can a flimsy little T-shirt cost $20?

On my last post I mentioned Bill Crider's and Ed Gorman's blogs, saying they were the best. I should have added there are a number of others I like equally: James Reasoner's, Polly the P.I.'s, Mark Evanier's, Frank Denton's, Tod and Lee Goldberg's separate blogs, and no doubt a few others I'm forgetting.


Bill said...

I've noticed that as I shrink in height, I grow more pear-shaped. I think it's terribly unfair. Getting old is bad enough without that.

Bill said...

Another thing about getting old is that the memory tends to go. I was going to say that the "Help meeee" line is from The Fly and not The Incredible Shrinking Man, but then you probably knew that.

Cap'n Bob Napier said...

Really? Then what were the final words in TISM? I seem to recall he was calling for help when he shrunk away completely--or perhaps became an atomic particle.

Kent Morgan said...

I've gone from a 31" inseam to a 30" but that hasn't bothered me. It's always been difficult to find pants already cuffed with odd-numbered inseams. But can anyone tell me if your shoe size changes with age.

Earlier this week I went to a sale at a local sports store as I need a new pair of skates. For those of you who weren't brought up on skates like us Canadians the proper way to purchase skates is two sizes smaller than your shoe size. Here's what has happened to me over the years.

I like CCM SuperTacks and two pairs ago I bought size 6 1/2, which seemed correct for my size 8 1/2 feet. The next time I went in for new skates, the best fit was size 7. This week the store clerk measured my feet and 7 1/2 seemed to be the right size. However, the pair I tried on seemed tight so I didn't buy them.

Just to add to the story, almost every Canadian boy started out skating on used skates that were at minimum a size or two larger, not smaller, than our foot size. "You'll grow into them" was the standard comment and they only fitted if you put inthick blue felt insoles and and wore at least three pairs of heavy sox. That did help keep your feet warm in the 40 below zero weather. Notice I didn't say that we had to walk miles in the driving snow to get to the outdoor rink and then had to shovel it in order to play.

Seriously the first pair of new skates that I had that fitted OK were purchased after I started refereeing in my early twenties. Size 7 1/2 but they were Bauers and I inserted a felt insole because that's what I was used to and most of the games were outside.

Bill said...

Closing lines: :I was continuing to shrink, to become... what? The infinitesimal? What was I? Still a human being? Or was I the man of the future? If there were other bursts of radiation, other clouds drifting across seas and continents, would other beings follow me into this vast new world? So close - the infinitesimal and the infinite. But suddenly, I knew they were really the two ends of the same concept. The unbelievably small and the unbelievably vast eventually meet - like the closing of a gigantic circle. I looked up, as if somehow I would grasp the heavens. The universe, worlds beyond number, God's silver tapestry spread across the night. And in that moment, I knew the answer to the riddle of the infinite. I had thought in terms of man's own limited dimension. I had presumed upon nature. That existence begins and ends in man's conception, not nature's. And I felt my body dwindling, melting, becoming nothing. My fears melted away. And in their place came acceptance. All this vast majesty of creation, it had to mean something. And then I meant something, too. Yes, smaller than the smallest, I meant something, too. To God, there is no zero."

Cap'n Bob Napier said...

Thanks, Bill. Is that from the movie or the book? It's been eons since I've seen the movie and I don't remember the finale being so wordy, but then there's a lot I don't remember these days. Like what I had for dinner the day before.

Bill said...

Those are from the movie. I'm too lazy to get up and check my book to see if the closing is the same.

Andy J said...

Well, we know that Robert Leslie Bellem probably didn't write that ending to The Incredible Shrinking Man. I can't believe they didn't pare that ending down a bit. Who knows, maybe it was even longer and that's the pared down version. One of the few examples probably of the writer's vision being untouched.