49 Days To Go

I'm a 49er today. I mailed my retirement papers to Randolph AFB, Texas today and I hope they aren't lost. The government has a bad habit of losing my documents going back to 1966.

Willamette Writers Conference

August 6-8, 2010: My trip to Portland and the Willamette Writers' Conference was a lot of fun and a bit of work. I got up at 3:30 a.m. so I'd be there for breakfast at 7:30 but the roads were so sparsely populated with autos I got in almost an hour early. Not a problem. I went into the hotel and read a paper until the room opened that had the badges and packets for the volunteers. Soon after that my friend Dave "Evan" Lewis showed up and we hit the chow line. The food was plentiful if unspectacular. We paid $27-a-day for it but that was our only expense for the whole affair. Regular attendees paid as much as $500. Over the next three days we split our time between our work in the pitch practice room and watching panels. I was lucky on day one--most of the people who pitched to me were young ladies. But it wasn't all beer and skittles and creamy thighs. There were some characters who stick in my mind no matter how hard I've tried to dislodge them. To wit:

Meatloaf. This woman looked like Meatloaf, or his fatter, homelier sister. She had a book she couldn't explain, she ate enough at the meals to feed Bangladesh, and at one panel she slept the whole time. Dave and I happened to be sitting in the row behind her as she snoozed. I stage whispered "Meatloaf! Meatloaf!" a few times but she slept right through it.

Superfly. A 6'6" black guy in a suit a pimp would love who hasn't written anything. He's on a local access TV show and some days stands at one end of a bridge wearing a tux and Mickey Mouse ears. He passed out DVD's of his show, talked too loud in the pitch practice room, and seemed to be fundraising for some crackpot scheme.

Nervous Nellie. A woman who's written a memoir and can't figure out what to emphasize in her pitch. I got the impression she was about to break out into a crying jag at any moment, and damned if she didn't use me twice to practice her pitch. Twenty minutes before she was to meet with an agent she still didn't know what to do. I wanted to smack her in the head and tell her to quit fretting and leave me alone.

On the up side there were the 14- and 15-year-old girls who'd written novels. At 15 I was learning to smoke, and at 14 I hadn't accomplished even that much. Most admirable kids. Most of the people I worked with in pitch practice were normal, intelligent, and affable folks, of course, but they aren't as fun to talk about.

Better than all that was spending time with Dave and our rocker friend Tough Jim Gaston. Also Laurie, a friend of Jim's and member of his band, Rock Residue. And dinner out each night and a trip to Powell's City of Books after the con was over. All those books and I forgot to look for a couple of titles I've been wanting for years. I spent $75 anyway, half on some books for my younger daughter.

The programs I saw were a study in contradictions. Memoirs were out/Memoirs were hot. Don't use a professional editor to revise your manuscript/Do use one. Use e-mail to submit or query/Don't do it. Even the woman who proclaimed that any attribution other than "said" should be avoided found exceptions this year.

I don't know if I'll be able to attend next year, being a poor pensioner and all, but I'd like to. Being among so many writers and wannabes is refreshing.

50 More

Yep, only 50 more working days and I can kiss my illustrious career with the Department of Defense goodbye. While I am grateful as all get out for the steady paychecks, the b.s. factor that has gotten horribly worse these past few years assures that I won't miss the place one iota once I'm gone.

Pictured is a Tunner 60K Loader and a KC-135 air-to-air refueling plane. The plane is a visitor since all we have at McChord Field are C-17 Globemaster III cargo planes.

Happy Birthday America

Nothing profound to say. I just hope everyone has a safe and happy celebration.

Grandchild News

Stephanie had her ultrasound today and the verdict is in. It's a....












Girl!

Her name will be Sophia (maybe Sofia).

June 25, 1876

It was 134 years ago today that Lt. Col. Custer and five troops of the 7th U.S. Cavalry met their end at the Little Big Horn. That single engagement has generated more controversy than any other battle in history, and also spawned a small industry of books, figures, comics, cards, movies, and dozens of other ephemera. My Custer collection includes jigsaw puzzles, flags, a belt buckle, a battlefield pennant, dozens of books, figures, movies, a card set, a decanter, prints, and more. So here's a salute from the Cap'n to all those who fought and/or died that day, red or white.

All About Me

I've been quiet here of late but there's an interview with me (part 3 of ?) on Evan Lewis's excellent blog. Go to davycrockettsalmanack.blogspot.com and learn all about my experiences at various mystery conventions. At least the parts I can prudently discuss.

D-Day

On this day in 1944 the Allies invaded continental Europe at Normandy and started the drive that would lead to the defeat of Nazi Germany. Not many of the heroes who stormed those beaches are still alive, but here at Casa Cap'n we salute them.
Pictured is a blogger from that battle.

I'm Rich! I'm Rich!

The following e-mail arrived in my box this morning. About damned time. I've already quit my job and sent Margaret my bank account information. I ought to have the money within 48 hours. Gee, I wonder what the poor people are doing tonight.

Dear Lucky Winner.

Please be informed that your email address have won you the grand sum of £1,000,000 GBP in the United Kingdom International Lottery promotion held 2010. Get in touch with me for more information on how to claim your prize.

Congratulations

Thank you,

Mrs. Margaret Sweetland.

I'LL BET HE'S SORRY HE ASKED

Blogmeister supreme Evan Lewis has an interview with me on his blog. He'll be running it over several days. Go to: davycrockettsalmanack.blogspot.com

That's Evan's picture.

WOULD YOU PAY $2,499.99 FOR MY BOOK?

You would if you buy it from Big T Products via Amazon. Plus $3.99 for shipping. Are these people bottom-feeding burn artists or have I achieved hypermodern status?

BUSTED

Three of the four home invaders/murderers that killed my younger daughter's boyfriend's uncle were arrested in California on unrelated charges. One bailed out, the other two are in stir and awaiting extradition. The one who made bail did so before it was learned she was one of the creeps wanted up here.

STEPHANIE

This is my older girl, Stephanie, the mother-to-be. I'm too young for all this.

FAMILY ALBUM

Here's an untrasound picture of my grandchild-to-be. Due date Nov. 16.

BAD NEWS HIT HOME

The following account is in tonight's on line local newspaper:

A 43-year-old man is dead after four robbers invaded his Edgewood home Wednesday night, according to the Pierce County Sheriff's Office.

Deputies responded around 9:30 p.m. to a report of a residential robbery in the 3600 block of 106th Avenue Court E. They arrived to find an unconscious man with a gunshot wound, according to Pierce County Sheriff's spokesman Ed Troyer. The man died at the scene.

Three people were at home at the time of the robbery -- the man, his wife, and their 14-year-old son, Troyer said.

Troyer gave this account:

The family had been trying to sell a ring on Craigslist and had received a call earlier from the suspects, who said that they were interested. Three males and one female knocked on the door and showed cash to get inside. Once they were let in, the robbers pulled guns on the family, tying up the mother and shooting the father. The son then jumped on one gunman and was struck on the head.

The teen has been taken to a hospital. It does not appear that he was shot.

This may be the second Craigslist robbery of the night in the county, said Troyer, who added that another person was tied up and had his car stolen several hours earlier.

Cap'n Bob again. The victims are the uncle, aunt, and cousin of my younger daughter's boyfriend. As you can imagine, his family is terribly upset. I'm sure they'll catch the mutants who did this crime, and I'm equally sure they won't be sufficiently punished.

And Yet Another Perceptive Critic

Read another review of my page burner at Bill Crider's excellent blog:

BillCrider.blogspot.com

Just so this doesn't sound like nothing but blatant self-promotion, let me add that I won $50 from the Puyallup Tribe today.

Also, I will be doing a signing at the Seattle Mystery Bookstore on Saturday the 24th at noon. I'd love to see you there.

Another Perceptive Critic

Go to the following blog for another review of my latest book, plus the previous one.

http://randall120.wordpress.com/2010/04/17/the-toyman-robert-s-napier/#comment-1894

Hey, Walleeee, Happy Birthday

Tony "Wally Cleaver" Dow is 65 today. Thanks for all the great entertainment, Tony. That's Dow on the right and on the left is Jerry Mathers as The Beaver.

TOYMAN REVIEW

There's a review of THE TOYMAN RIDES AGAIN at lauriepowerswildwest.blogspot.com

The George Meme

Or, The Ten Most Influential Books I've Read.

In no particular order they are:

1. Doctor Dan the Bandage Man. The first book I recall owning. The Band Aids in the back made me want to cut myself just so I could use them.

2. The Catcher in the Rye. I identified with the kid who was out of step with the world. Still do.

3. The Complete Sherlock Holmes. I may have the title wrong, but once I read one story I had to read them all.

4. I. the Jury. I was just the right age to appreciate the sex and violence and I always found Hammer's over-the-top emotions amusing in a strange way.

5. Fanny Hill. This combination of Victorian prose and blatant sex made me wish I'd been born a century sooner and a lot richer.

6. Slaughterhouse Five. Which started me on a tear through Vonnegut's work, which I like a lot.

7. Farewell, My Lovely. My first Chandler. I still consider him the best.

8. Son of the Morning Star. The first detailed and balanced biography of George Armstrong Custer and the Battle of the Little Big Horn I read.

9. Babbitt. Love the zip, zing, and zowee.

10. The Pictorial History of World War II. A four-volume set we had at home when I was a kid, covering the war in stark detail.

I'm not counting comics, though if I did the first Spider-Man would be the one. I left out fantasy and science fiction, too. I was much impressed with Stranger in a Strange Land, by Robert Heinlien. If I had to choose a Western it would be Shane or True Grit, but I read them too late in life to really call them influential. The illustration that accompanies this post is what is known as gratuitous.